i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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