my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize