She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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