So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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