Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
