Bisexual people are plain selfish.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
