I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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