So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
