Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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