He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
