I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
