I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
