I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
