If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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