real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
