even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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