I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
