'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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