You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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