mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
