I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize