Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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