Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
