I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
