And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
