Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
