Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
no, he came in my armpit
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
