FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
