mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
