stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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