but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
