I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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