Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize