Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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