watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
