just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
