just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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