I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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