Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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