I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
