His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
