How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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