"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
