My nipple is on Facebook.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
