I forgot how hot balto sounded
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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