trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
