think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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