Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize