I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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