apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
