In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize