Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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