we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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