Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
