just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
