I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize