White coat. Heels.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
