i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
and she was petting her beer can
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
