Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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