If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
