who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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