wrigley field is MILF paradise
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
