Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
you never un-have a 4some
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
