like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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