you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
