batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I could fuck to npr.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
