I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
