Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
