I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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