I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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