I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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